Punishment
by xNightValkyrie
Summary: She had numerous victims before him, but why has everything turned upside down when she saw him as an enemy? She can't carry on with a normal life, so she decides to do what she thinks can make her feel better. ItachixOc - Oneshot


Today was another summer day like another, the sunlight was sipping through my window, the birds' song were radiating through the walls, the kids' yells ringing through my eardrums. It was a beautiful day… a beautiful day to hang out, to train, to go out on a mission.

But inside me, it was raining. It was chaos. It wasn't like any other day I've gone through.

I looked at my hands on my lap, they were pale, paler than the sheet over my lap… but they were drenched in red. They were soaked with red liquid I could easily recognize…

"Kazui-neechan!" I turned my head to the origin of the voice. A hyper kid with blond hair, blue eyes, stood in front of me, his teacher and teammates tailing behind him.

"Naruto-kun." I tried to force out a smile, but failed miserably. "Sakura-chan, Sasuke…" I couldn't look at him for some reason. I couldn't face him. Not yet. "Kakashi-nii…"

"How have you been, Kazui-neechan?" this boy was always so full of energy. Before, I would always be influence by his positive vibes… but now… I just can't feel anything anymore, other than regret, pain. "Kazui-neechan…?"

"Kazui-neechan, we brought you some flowers!" Sakura could be a very sweet girl sometimes. "I hope you like them!" I looked at the white lilies, and then at Sakura.

"Thank you, Sakura-chan." I didn't want to force myself to smile anymore. I just knew I couldn't do it anymore. Maybe I've lost that smile of mine forever… Thus is my punishment…

"Now, Naruto, Sakura, you've finished what you wanted to do here, Kazui needs some rest, so out." I looked as Kakashi-nii ushered them out, leaving me and Sasuke alone in the room. I looked down once again at my hands, trying to avoid his gaze. I tried moving them, but my fingers barely moved.

"I'm sorry…" I apologized. There was nothing more that I could do. Yet, I knew that a small sorry wouldn't change anything.

"Why are you apologizing…?"

I looked up at him. He has really matured in these years. Even on the bed, I could tell that he was much more taller than I was now. To think that I've seen him grow up since he was a child… everything now seems so unreal. And I wish it was true, so I could change everything now…

"I'm sorry…"

_It was raining. It was raining in my heart as well. This was a fight I never wanted to have… but it was for Konohagakure's sake. I don't have any choice. I looked at the cloaked man in front of me, his clothing and hair getting soaked by the rain._

"_Uchiha… Itachi…" I muttered. I looked into his sharingans, seeing no emotions. I felt something drop within my chest. But I pushed that feeling away as a kunoichi. Everyone put their hopes in me, because everyone knew he wouldn't fight back against me, or so they thought. I picked a kunai from my pouch and launched myself towards him, straight on. But he didn't even flinch a bit. Somewhere deep inside me, I heard that voice that was telling me to stop, to stop and to stop. But I didn't listen._

_The only thing I caught was my brain sending me images that he wasn't in front of me anymore. I turned to my side, only to be sent flying to a tree nearby. I held back a scream as my back hit the tree hard. Yet, I couldn't let go of my kunai._

_Killing Uchiha Itachi was my mission. I won't let the Hokage down. I won't let the whole village down._

_I opened my eyes as I felt warm liquid sliding down my head. I met with crimson red eyes, tainted with black dots._

"_Kazui…" he whispered a few incomprehensible words after saying my name. I could do nothing at all. I stayed paralyzed as he pulled me into a gentle kiss._

_I wanted to return his kiss._

_But I couldn't._

_I was on my mission._

_So I gripped onto my kunai tightly, and punched it into his chest. He looked at me, his black onyx eyes returning to his features, filled with an emotion I could never forget. And he smiled at me with his bloody lips…_

"_I'm sorry."_

"I killed your brother…" I said. Sasuke hasn't moved an inch. He didn't even flinch. My hands, that had being drenched in blood since I was young… were drenched in Itachi's blood. In the blood of the one I loved most. Even if they had been washed clean after that day, I could still see and smell the blood staining my hands, my clothes, my face and my hair.

"I know… but he deserved it." I felt a knot in my throat as he said this. No, he didn't deserve it. He didn't intend on killing me. I was the one drowning in the thoughts of killing him. I let everything take over my love for him.

"He didn't…" We've entered the academy together… I've known him since then… I know he wouldn't have done such horrible things on his own. He wouldn't even think of hurting his family if he didn't have to… I always knew that, but I couldn't bring myself to believe it… To believe that nothing was his fault…

It hurt me deeply that I was the one who killed Itachi. Even if he really had the attention to kill me… I'd let him do so, I wouldn't do anything against it…

"Kazui…" I looked at Sasuke for the first time, trying not o avoid his gaze. "You can cry if you want to…" Cry? For some reason, I can't bring myself to cry… Even when I killed him… I couldn't cry. I just felt those uneasy feelings, those heartaches… those burning emotions within me. But I just couldn't cry.

"I want to be alone…" that was everything I wanted now. It was when Sasuke had exited the room that I realized it.

I've lost everything… Everything… My legs… my arms… I couldn't feel them anymore… I couldn't move anymore… My feelings… my emotions… I've killed them all along with Itachi. I couldn't feel anything anymore… except for pain. The mental pain I was feeling felt bigger than anything else.

It was my punishment.

I was being punished for killing the one I love, and I would accept it. I would go through all kind of tortures until the day I die. It would be the only way to make myself feel better about his death…

"_I'm sorry…"_

_I couldn't understand… It wasn't raining anymore, but my face was wet… From the rain? I don't know. I only felt the water running down my cheeks._

_I looked into his eyes… and I saw happiness. I only felt my bloody hand shake. I just wanted to pull that kunai out of him and save him, elope with him to any place, any place that could accept us both. But that wasn't possible anymore. It wasn't, because in the back of my mind, I would be a criminal, someone who has tried to kill her lover._

"_Itachi…" but just for once last time, I wanted to be with him…_

_I rested my head on his shoulder. I gripped onto the kunai harder._

_And I pulled it out._

_I felt him flinch, but I just let the kunai fall on the floor, embracing him with my arms._

"_Itachi… I don't care about anything anymore… Please just let me spend those last few moments with you…" I felt his arms return my embrace, but his heavy breaths and bloody body killed me._

"_Kazui… I can't… hold on… much… longer…" I swallowed a lump in my throat. I tried blinking my tears away._

"_Itachi… I'll lay you on my lap… You'll feel better… Please… allow us to spend these… last moments together…" I bit my lips and helped his limp body lie on my lap. I held his cold hand in mine, I didn't want to let go._

_I looked at his features… Even with blood, his lips were beautiful, his onyx eyes were the most mesmerizing._

"_Kazui… I'm sorry… if only… nothing of this… happened… we could… be together…"_

"_Please… please stop saying these things… I don't care whoever's fault… whatever mission is it anymore… I just want to cherish this precious moment…" I pulled his body closer to mine as he got colder. Each breath he took was like a poison for me… Seeing him in this state… killing him… loving him… all these things turned me crazy._

"_I'm sorry… I couldn't… tell you those… three words…" I tightened my grip on his hand as his other reached my tear stained face. I don't want to lose him. I looked at his lips. At his nose. At his eyes. At his forehead protector._

_His hand in mine, I pulled it off. And I bent down to kiss his forehead. And then I kissed his cold lips._

"_I'll… see you soon…" I tried to smile as he took his last breath._

We never got to hear those three words from each other… Those words that meant the world for both of us. I had always thought those three words were like a spell that could bring you anything that you wanted, but that wasn't true. It was no jutsu. It was no spell, just merely three words that meant the world for us.

_My heart was racing. My breathing was staggering. My legs were shaking. My arms were trembling. _I was horrified. _I tried covering my scream with my hands, but nothing could beat the horror I'd just seen…_

_I saw lots of blood. Lots of dead bodies. And Itachi._

_He was walking closer and closer. I walked backwards. I tripped on a rock. I fell on my butt. I wanted to scream. For help? I don't know. But I was afraid._

_I looked into his eyes._

_He was sad._

_This just seemed to erase all the fright, all the horror away from my brain._

"_Itachi…?" he kneed down and took me in his arms._

"_Don't be afraid…" I wasn't afraid. No. I was afraid. He was leaving me. "I hope… I'll be back to your side soon…" he let go of the speechless me and walked away… My hand stretched out on his own…_

"_Itachi… don't leave… I-I love you... Itachi…! ITACHIIIII!"_

_I woke up at home. No remembering how I got there…_

He didn't hear me… He'll never hear me again… I'll never hear his voice again… When I said that, I was hoping that its magic would come true, and that you'll return to my side forever… but I was too naïve. I wasn't in a fairytale. Fairytales have good ending, but mine doesn't…

I'm bound to live with this pain forever… the pain of losing him, of killing him… of not being able to confess… I can't run away from it, because I love him, and I want to make up for everything I did to him… even if this pain could not be compared to the one he suffered.

*Knock* *knock*

I looked at the door way.

"Kakashi-nii?"

"Kazui, they say you can't get out of the hospital in your condition... your legs and arms…" Once again, I looked at my hands. I tried moving them, but they froze there, limp on my lap. I tried to smile, but it didn't really work out with what I was feeling deep inside my heart.

"I know…" I looked up at Kakashi-nii and instead of his usual calm face, I saw a worry filled expression. "I'm sorry I'm going to be a burden…" his expression changed from worry to shock.

"What are you saying? You're my sister! You'd never be a burden to me!" some part in me pulled out a smile at his comments. "I'll go get you something to eat, I'll be right back soon."

If only I hadn't tried to kill myself in a mission… maybe he wouldn't have to take care of me like a baby now… but brother… please let me be selfish just this once in my life… I deserve this… The moment I knew I lived from that last mission… I knew I deserved this kind of life… That I can't run away, that I don't deserve the privilege of running away.

So as long as I can live… I'll live with all these memories on my shoulders. I won't be running away anymore.

This hospital room was the jail. And I was the prisoner.

_The End_.


End file.
